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When cuts can work: Hirsute advised to stick to Marx in heatwave

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2015 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

 

PRESS RELEASE

30th June

Contact Keith Flett           07803 167266

When cuts can work: Hirsute advised to stick to Marx in heatwave

marx

 

Marx in Algiers, 1882

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers which campaigns against beardism, has updated advice to the hirsute to take special care of their beards during the heat wave over the next few days

It says that as the Celsius heads over 30 degrees in some parts of the UK it is essential that the beard is kept moist at all times.

The BLF says that the Karl Marx has provide an alternative template for the hirsute in hot weather. He had his beard shaved in Algiers in 1882 shortly before his death, but continued to wear his beard in more temperate climates

BLF organiser Keith Flett said, there is a danger that as temperatures rise follicles may dry out and become brittle. In extremis some hairs may fall out. The way to avoid this is to make sure the beard stays moist at all times. Alternatively as Marx did in Algiers it can be temporarily shaved.

Essential  Tips for maintaining the Beard in hot weather

 

  • If the beard is above six inches in length some moderate summer pruning may be in order. If following Marxist guidelines, temporary shaving may be in order.

 

  • If the beard does start to overheat immersing it in the freezer cabinet of the nearest supermarket will provide an instant remedy

 

  • Hand held fans may also be used to ventilate the beard

 

  • If the beard starts to dry out in the heat and follicles become brittle immersion in a pint of craft beer will moisturise and nourish the beard

Beard Week 2015 started on 29th June

https://kmflett.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/beard-week-heralds-a-summer-of-beards/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Articles

Corned beef & pickle named Beard Friendly sandwich 2015

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2015 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release contact Keith Flett 07803 167266 30th June

Corned Beef & Pickle, named Beard Friendly Sandwich of the Year

cornedbeef

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has named the humble Corned  Beef and Pickle sandwich as the  Beard Friendly sandwich as part of Beard Week 2015 which started on 29th June and culminates with the announcement of Beard of Summer on Saturday 4th July.

After a period when it was hard to come by, the sandwich is now available in Waitrose and M&S although the campaigners have doubts whether the Pret version with egg is so beard friendly.

Each year during Beard Week in June the campaigners search for a sandwich that does not have excessive mayo or salad which tends up in the beard rather than the mouth.

Previous winners have included Chorizo and Red Pepper and goats cheese and caramelised red onion.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett of course a corned beef and pickle sandwich is neither hugely healthy or the kind of thing a non-meater would care to eat. However it has been making a comeback- M&S have just produced one as part of a new sandwich range- and it underlines the point about the beard friendly sandwich. It contains neither mayo or salad, both of which do tend to end up as much in the beard as in the mouth.

Beard Week 2015

Mon 29 June: Hirsute Personality 2015 announced: the hirsute person who has made the positive impact in public life during the year. Winner, urban cheesemaker Philip Wilton

Tues 30 June: Beard Friendly Sandwich 2015 announced: the sandwich where the mayo & salad doesn’t get caught in the beard

Wed 1st July: Hirsute Broadcaster 2015 announced: will there be a TV news reporter this year for the first time?

Thurs 2nd July: Pogonophobe of the Year: we name the biggest beard hater of the year.

Fri 3rd July: Beard Friendly Employer 2015 announced: are there more than ever to choose from?

Sat 4th July: Beard of Summer 2015 announced. The third of the four quarterly seasonal Awards leading up to Beard of the Year in December

 

Articles

Campaigners beard Stephen Fry on shaving comments

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2015 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release June 29th contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Campaigners beard Stephen Fry on shaving comments

Fry

The Beard Liberation Front has said that with Beard Week 2015, the annual celebration of the hirsute in the public eye,underway  it is regrettable that Stephen Fry has tweeted that it might be time to shave.

Fry tweeted on 29th June:

Beards have charmed us for long enough, I can’t but feel. Time for all those furry-faced gentlemen to start shaving. Or am I wrong?

The campaigners say that while they support the right to wear a beard or be clean shaven, it should never be a matter of everyone shaving or wearing a beard. Diversity of appearance is a fundamental principle of the BLF

Beard Week consists of a range of Awards, some voted on by the public, to highlight both the positive role and image of beards but also the prejudice of pogonophobia.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said Stephen Fry often has a beard himself but if he wants to be clean shaven, that his choice. Others may choose to continue to be hirsute and we’d ask him to respect that

Beard Week 2015

Mon 29 June: Hirsute Personality 2015 announced: the hirsute person who has made the positive impact in public life during the year. Winner, urban cheesemaker Philip Wilton

Tues 30 June: Beard Friendly Sandwich 2015 announced: the sandwich where the mayo & salad doesn’t get caught in the beard

Wed 1st July: Hirsute Broadcaster 2015 announced: will there be a TV news reporter this year for the first time?

Thurs 2nd July: Pogonophobe of the Year: we name the biggest beard hater of the year.

Fri 3rd July: Beard Friendly Employer 2015 announced: are there more than ever to choose from?

Sat 4th July: Beard of Summer 2015 announced. The third of the four quarterly seasonal Awards leading up to Beard of the Year in December

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Articles

David Cameron’s British Values: 10 essential ones

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2015 by kmflett

David Cameron has decided that it is time to promote ‘British values’ He may not have been paying full attention at Eton because the number one British value is not to promote British values. They are understated and implicit. Hence, no written Constitution and all that.

Still here are some starters for ten as it were:

1] Listening to the Archers

2] Uncovered cricket pitches

3] Unpasteurised farmhouse cheese

4] Playing conkers

5] Gamesmanship

6] Drinking cask ale

7] Singing the Red Flag

8] Listening to Test Match Special

9] Rebelling, revolting & rioting against overbearing authority

10] Talking to cats

Articles

Beard Week heralds a Summer of Beards

In Uncategorized on June 29, 2015 by kmflett

 

Beard Liberation Front

Press release June 29th contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard Week heralds a Summer of Beards

beardweek

The Beard Liberation Front has said that with Beard Week 2015, the annual celebration of the hirsute in the public eye, underway it is set to be a summer of beards

As usual Beard Week consists of a range of Awards, some voted on by the public, to highlight both the positive role and image of beards but also the prejudice of pogonophobia.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said with Jeremy Corbyn standing for Labour leader, the first ever beard wearer to stand in such an election, the trend is set for it to be a summer of beards. All talk of ‘peak beard’ is long gone

Beard Week 2015

Mon 29 June: Hirsute Personality 2015 announced: the hirsute person who has made the positive impact in public life during the year. Winner, urban cheesemaker Philip Wilton

Tues 30 June: Beard Friendly Sandwich 2015 announced: the sandwich where the mayo & salad doesn’t get caught in the beard

Wed 1st July: Hirsute Broadcaster 2015 announced: will there be a TV news reporter this year for the first time?

Thurs 2nd July: Pogonophobe of the Year: we name the biggest beard hater of the year.

Fri 3rd July: Beard Friendly Employer 2015 announced: are there more than ever to choose from?

Sat 4th July: Beard of Summer 2015 announced. The third of the four quarterly seasonal Awards leading up to Beard of the Year in December

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Articles

Urban cheesemaker beards Jeremy Corbyn for Hirsute Personality 2015

In Uncategorized on June 28, 2015 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Media release June 28th

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Urban cheesemaker beards Jeremy Corbyn for Hirsute Personality 2015

corbyn15wilton

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that Beard Week 2015 is officially under way with the news that Tottenham based cheese maker Philip Wilton has bearded Labour leadership contender Jeremy Corbyn in an on-line poll for Hirsute Personality of the Year

The poll which is designed to discover the person whose beard combines with their personality to make a positive public impact saw Wilton take over 40% of the vote with Corbyn on 30%.

England cricketer Moeen Ali and weatherman Tomasz Shafernaker tied for third place with just under 10% each.

Philip Wilton is one of the people behind Wildes Cheese in Tottenham North London, a rare example of artisanal cheesemaking in the Capital. Ironically Jeremy Corbyn also started his political career in the same area, as a Haringey Labour Councillor until 1983

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said both men are in their different ways excellent adverts for the positive power of beards and that is what the annual National Beard Week is all about.

 

 

Beard Week 2015

 

Mon 29th June: Hirsute Personality 2015 announced: the hirsute person who has made the positive impact in public life during the year

 

Tues 30th June: Beard Friendly Sandwich 2015 announced: the sandwich where the mayo & salad doesn’t get caught in the beard

 

Wed 1st July: Hirsute Broadcaster 2015 announced: will there be a TV reporter this year?

 

Thurs 2nd July Pogonophobe of the Year announced

 

Fri 3rd July: Beard Friendly Employer 2015 announced: are there more than ever to choose from?

 

Sat 4th July: Beard of Summer 2015 announced. The third of the four quarterly seasonal Awards leading up to Beard of the Year in December

Articles

The Ambridge Socialist. Mrs Titchener? Don’t get married girls

In Uncategorized on June 28, 2015 by kmflett

The Ambridge Socialist

June 28th CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

The real Borsetshire Echo: 60 years of class struggle in Ambridge

Mrs Titchener: Don’t Get Married Girls

The Ambridge Socialist understands that Helen plans to become Mrs Titchener by the usual mechanism of bourgeois marriage.

We have essential advice for the future Mrs Titchener:

Don’t Get Married

Leon Rosselson

Don’t get married girls, you’ll sign away your life

You may start off as a woman but you’ll end up as the wife

You could be a vestal virgin, take the veil and be a nun

But don’t get married girls for marriage isn’t fun

Oh, it’s fine when you’re romancing and he plays the lover’s part

You’re the roses in his garden, you’re the flame that warms his heart

And his love will last forever and he’ll promise you the moon

But just wait until you’re wedded, then he’ll sing a different tune

You’re his tapioca pudding, you’re the dumplings in his stew

But he’ll soon begin to wonder what he ever saw in you

Still he takes without complaining all the dishes you provide

For you see he’s got to have his bit of jam tart on the side

So don’t get married girls, it’s very badly paid

You may start off as the mistress but you’ll end up as the maid

Be a daring deep sea diver, be a polished polyglot

But don’t get married girls, for marriage is a plot

 

Have you seen him in the morning with a face that looks like death?

With dandruff on his pillow and tobacco on his breath

And he needs some reassurance with his cup of tea in bed

For he’s worried by the mortgage and the bald patch on his head

And he’s sure that your his mother, lays his head upon your breast

So you try to boost his ego, iron his shirt and warm his vest

Then you get him off to work, the mighty hunter is restored

And he leaves you there with nothing but the dreams you can’t afford

So don’t get married girls, men they’re all the same

They just use you when they need you, you’d do better on the game

Be a call girl, be a stripper, be a hostess, be a whore

But don’t get married girls, for marriage is a bore

When he comes home in the evening he can hardly spare a look

All he says is “What’s for dinner?” After all you’re just the cook

But when he takes you to a party, well, he eyes you with a frown

For you know you’ve got to look your best, you mustn’t let him down

And he’ll clutch you with that “Look-what-I’ve-got” twinkle in his eyes

Like he’s entered for a raffle and he’s won you for the prize

Ah, but when the party’s over you’ll be slogging through the sludge

Half the time a decoration and the other half a drudge

So don’t get married, it’ll drive you round the bend

It’s the lane without a turning, it’s the end without an end

Take a lover every Friday, take up tennis, be a nurse

But don’t get married girls, for marriage is a curse

Then you get him off to work, the mighty hunter is restored

And he leaves you there with nothing but the dreams you can’t afford

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, as ever Leon Rosselson offers sound advice

Nicholas Lezard to be writer in residence at The Bull?

In the New Statesman veteran Archers listener Nicholas Lezard reveals that he was dropped from a programme on Bohemianism because he was doubtful the category had any modern meaning. This must surely qualify him to be writer in residence at The Bull?

In other news

The Ambridge Socialist is researching the history of another Ambridge Proletarian Hero, Len Thomas…

The Real Ambridge Fete: Rave On

Beyond Uncle Kenton & Lower Loxley the Ambridge Socialist plans the Real Ambridge Fete. Details shortly

 

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