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A guide to the beard friendly mince pie

In Uncategorized on December 17, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press Release 22nd December. Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

A guide to the beard friendly mince pie

mince pie

December is the season for mince pie eating, but it can provide particular challenges for the hirsute.

The Beard Liberation Front has identified two key issues:

Icing sugar in the beard: this can have the effect of turning it prematurely white and can be difficult to remove if sticky and can lead to white beard syndrome and a people shouting ‘Oi Santa’ at you.

Pastry flakes and crumbs in the beard: If this occurs it is guaranteed that any pogonophobe within 100 metres will shout ‘oi mate you’ve got the remains of your breakfast/lunch etc in your beard’.

There are several ways of avoiding the issues above:

1] Wear a special mince pie beard snood

2] Focus on eating only beard friendly mince pies. In particular pies where the ratio of filling to pastry lies with the former are likely to be more beard friendly.

3] If time and culinary skills allow you can of course make your own beard friendly mince pies

The Beard Liberation Front continues to research the beard friendly mince pie. Interim results are below:

Supermarket mince pies: Tesco,Sainsburys, M&S etc. Check for the amount of frosting/icing sugar etc. Most have lids with frosting. Sainsburys do have a line of topless mince pies more suitable for the hirsute.

Heston: these are available in Waitrose. They do not have a top or flaky pastry. The icing sugar comes in a separate packet and so is easily avoided.

Konditor & Cook. The pastry here is more like a savoury pie, and there is no icing sugar so the two key problems for the hirsute in eating them are avoided.

Designer mince pies: as Christmas itself nears these become more widely available. They are often smaller than the traditional mince pie and the emphasis tends to be more on the filling than the pastry which can help beard friendliness.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, there are some reasonably beard friendly mince pies out there but the hirsute need to choose carefully. For the unwary eater icing sugar and pastry flakes in the beard can be a serious concern

 

 

Articles

Vote for Organic Santa 2014 closes at midnight 16th December

In Uncategorized on December 16, 2014 by kmflett

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS

Organised by the Beard Liberation Front

press release 16th December

contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

 

VOTE FOR ORGANIC SANTA 2014 CLOSES MIDNIGHT 16TH DECEMBER

The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic beards, has said that the vote to determine who will receive the accolade of being appointed the real Organic Santa 2014 closes at Midnight.

Splitting hairs for the honour are actor Nick Frost and author Francis Wheen

Campaigners are urging parents and children to vigorously tug the beards of Santas they encounter as a definitive test as to whether they are in the presence of a real Santa or not.

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, It is a close contest and voting on the final day could see one or other beard nudge in front.

Vote for the Real Santa 2014

HOW TO SPOT A GENUINE SANTA

Tug the beard of the Santa. If it comes away, then the Santa is FAKE

Tug the beard of the Santa again. If the Santa swears then they are genuine. If they simply repeat a ‘ho ho ho’ mantra they are FAKE

See if Santas beard will support a Beard Bauble. If it wont the Santa is a FAKE

The Campaign For Real Santas says that genuine Santas must have just the right mix of bonhomie and grumpiness and a real organic beard.

Notes

The Organic Santa of 2014 will be named on December 18th

The Campaign for Real Santas is organised by the Beard Liberation Front

Articles

7 days left to vote for Beard of the Year 2014: Hipster or Organic?

In Uncategorized on December 15, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release 15th December

Contact keith Flett 07803 167266

7 Days left to vote for Beard of the Year 2014: Hipster or Organic?

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that there are just 7 days left to vote for the Beard of the Year 2014.

The on line poll ends at midnight on Monday 22nd December and the winner will be announced on 29th December

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, competition for the Award is bristling and we usually expect a late sprouting of votes. The issue is whether they will be for a hipster beard or an organic beard…..

The criteria for the Shortlist are as follows:

A beard worn consistently throughout the year

A beard that at least meets the standards of the Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western style, that is post-stubble

A beard that has been in the public eye during the year and which has had a positive impact

Voting for Beard of the Year ends on December 22nd and the winner is announced on December 29th

Shortlist (after public poll)

Moeen Ali, cricketer

Philip Ardagh, author

Billy Bragg, musician

Peter Coles, cosmologist

Stephen Crabb, Government Minister

Robert Plant, musician

Fr Alan Williams, Bishop of Brentwood

Philip Wilton, cheesemaker

Conchita Wurst, singer

Robert Wyatt, musician

 

 

 

Articles

The Ambridge Socialist: Aldridge resigns as ruling class split deepens

In Uncategorized on December 14, 2014 by kmflett

The Ambridge Socialist

14th December CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

The real Borsetshire Echo: 60 years of class struggle in Ambridge

Aldridge resigns as ruling class split deepens

Brian Aldridge has this week resigned from the Board of Borsetshire Land complaining that he was not told of Damara Capital’s £7.5m bid for Brookfield, which he himself had an interest in buying (but not for that much).

He has also done a deal with Debbie that direct farming operations at Home Farm should cease and be contracted out. This would mean sacking some permanent farm workers. Adam has reacted badly to this and has told Brian that an invitation to Borsetshire Land supremo Justin Elliott’s Xmas Party can ‘get stuffed’.

There is also continuing angst in the Village about David and Roooth Archer, along with Elizabeth, Kenton and Shula Archer being prepared to sell their souls to Damara Capital. David has complained in The Bull that no one likes him anymore but has claimed he must put his own self interest above that of the Ambridge community.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, Capitalism is in crisis in Ambridge. Excellent news.

The Moral Economy of Ambridge

Doris Archer is  Prude mystery deepens

Ambridge Socialist contributor Peter Budge reports that not only did the graffiti ‘Doris Archer is a Prude’ appear on Westminster Bridge in 1967 but also in Crouch End, well known location of second homes for Archers’ characters. Who was responsible?

In Other News

Lynda’s Christmas Not a Pantomime continues to be reported by the BBC. Caroline has walked out this week. The BBC will be reporting further.

A Month in Ambridge

Why the World Must Go On The Same

From The Guardian 11th December. Nancy Banks Smith

Anyone fancy a lorry-load of potatoes? Think of it as a lovely present for the man who has everything. Or the poor bastard who has nothing. Rob, who has been getting his tentacles under the table at Bridge Farm, ordered the spuds but Tom, back from Canada, cancelled them. That is drama Ambridge-style.

 

Such a relief because these days Ambridge has reminded me increasingly of Dallas. You remember dear, dead, addictive, daft old Dallas? The absolutely appalling lack of principle showed by absolutely everybody. The family’s disconcerting habit of reappearing (after sharp words backstage) with entirely different heads. As Helen Archer said recently, on catching sight of her brother Tom with a brand new head: “I don’t believe it! I thought I was seeing things!” “No. It’s definitely me,” said Tom, perhaps a titch defensively. And then there’s the big scene in hospital with one of the stars stretched out insensible, while each member of the family visits in sequence to express regret for former slights.

This month, it is Tony Archer’s turn to fight for life in a forest of exclamation marks. “The bull smashed him straight into the wall!” “I’m the air ambulance doctor! Can I have a grey cannula?” “Tony! Forgive me!” “It’s touch and go!” “Take him to the abattoir!” (No sorry that was the bull who, in my opinion, got pretty rough justice.)

When Tony opens his eyes, he won’t recognise the old place. David Archer has sold the family farm for seven million quid to a ruthless entrepreneur and is high-tailing it to Hadley Haugh (which sounds like something Corporal Jones used to say to German parachutists). The slavering speed with which his siblings – Shula, Kenton and Elizabeth – fell on their share of the spoils would make a pig whistle. “You think you know people!” as their aunt, who was priced out of the auction, said sadly. That is the problem. We do know them. We’ve known them for years. And they are just not like that at all. To change a head is one thing; to change a whole personality suggests brain damage.

Look, I will close my eyes till Christmas and, when I open them, I expect you to have put EVERYTHING BACK THE WAY IT WAS. And we will say no more about it.

 

Articles

From Santa to the Lord of Misrule at the Tottenham Ploughmans

In Uncategorized on December 13, 2014 by kmflett

From Santa to the Lord of Misrule

On Sunday 14th December at Bruce Castle in Tottenham I’ll be at the Tottenham Ploughman’s community winter festival as a real Santa with a real beard.

I won’t be handing out presents but as usual collecting money for Crisis at Christmas. It has always seemed to me that particularly at this time of year Crisis plays an important role of making sure that people who are down on their luck (for whatever reason, and it doesn’t matter what the reason is) won’t otherwise be able to enjoy the season as the rest of us hope to.

The Santa hotpants and other apparel are all part of the fun (including the Bah Humbug hat) because one version of Santa is about a jovial man with a beard.

I am particularly keen of course that real Santas should have real beards.

But there are many perspectives on Santa and before the figure was reinvented by the Victorians and Charles Dickens more broadly, he also represented a much longer lasting seasonal tradition of the Lord of Misrule.
The Lord of Misrule who in folk custom runs from All Hallows (1st November) to at least Twelfth Night (6th January) and sometimes through until the end of Lent as well is about turning the world upside down.
Figures of authority are mocked and poked fun at.

So as the Secretary of the local wing of the TUC I do think that at this time of year the Santa hotpants add a rather different perspective to what is usually a rather serious role. I only wish that more of my colleagues and comrades on the other wing of the labour movement, Councillors and so on, were able to allow themselves to be laughed at this time of year too.

It is a way of addressing social tensions but it might also be just a little bit genuinely subversive too.

See you at the Tottenham Ploughmans then…

Update

Thanks for donations which totalled £32.25 on the day. Others took donation forms away.

The link to the Crisis website is here:

http://www.crisis.org.uk/

Articles

Beard Baubles are a test of a Real Santa

In Uncategorized on December 13, 2014 by kmflett

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS

Organised by the Beard Liberation Front

press release 13th December

contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

BEARD BAUBLES ARE A TEST OF A REAL SANTA

baubles

The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic beards, has warned people to be aware of absurd false bearded Santas as the second last shopping weekend before Christmas gets underway.

With Beard Baubles the hirsute trend of the season the campaigners say that whether or not a Santa is wearing them is a key test of whether they are real or not.

A Santa with a genuine beard has no problem in wearing a bauble. A Santa with an absurd cotton wool beard will see the ‘beard’ start to come away if a bauble is hung in it.

Campaigners are urging parents and children to vigorously tug the beards of Santas they encounter as a definitive test as to whether they are in the presence of a real Santa or not.

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, Santas with Beard Baubles are the real thing this is Christmas

Vote for the Real Santa 2014

HOW TO SPOT A GENUINE SANTA

Tug the beard of the Santa. If it comes away, then the Santa is FAKE

Tug the beard of the Santa again. If the Santa swears then they are genuine. If they simply repeat a ‘ho ho ho’ mantra they are FAKE

See if Santas beard will support a Beard Bauble. If it wont the Santa is a FAKE

The Campaign For Real Santas says that genuine Santas must have just the right mix of bonhomie and grumpiness and a real organic beard.

 

Notes

The Organic Santa of 2014 will be named on December 18th

The Campaign for Real Santas is organised by the Beard Liberation Front

 

Articles

Jeremy Corbyn wins Parliamentary Beard of the Year for record 5th time

In Uncategorized on December 13, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release 13th December

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

images (2)

LABOUR’S CORBYN WINS PARLIAMENTARY BEARD OF THE YEAR FOR RECORD 5TH TIME

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that Islington North Labour MP Jeremy Corbyn has won the Parliamentary Beard of the Year poll for a record 5th time.

He was the winner of the original award in 2001 and while his beard may be a little more restrained these days, it has been a consistent presence on the Parliamentary backbenches for over 30 years.

Corbyn got 46% of the vote beating Respect MP George Galloway (18%) by several beard lengths.

Former winner and LibDem MP John Thurso was third with 11% while two Welsh MPs Tory and Welsh Secretary Stephen Crabb and Labour’s Paul Flynn were tied for fourth place on 7%.

Several hundred people cast votes in the on-line poll and to prevent any attempts at gerrymandering people were only allowed to vote once.

The Award goes to the MP or Peer whose hirsuteness has made the most Parliamentary impact in the public eye during the year underlining that beards are an increasingly powerful force in Parliament even with a largely clean shaven Coalition Government.

The Campaigners say that there has been a significant rise in hirsute Parliamentarians in recent times although Stephen Crabb is the only Cabinet member with a beard. He has polled well for a first year in the running.

BLF organiser Keith Flett said, Jeremy Corbyn’s beard has shown sustainability and resilience over many years of Parliamentary gibes about his appearance but he now finds himself at the head of an increasingly hirsute Parliamentary body

Previous Winners

2001 Jeremy Corbyn

2002 Charles Clarke

2003 Robin Cook

2004 Frank Dobson

2005 David Blunkett

2006 George Galloway

2007 Jeremy Corbyn

2008 John Thurso

2009 Tom Watson

2010 Gerry Adams

2011 Jeremy Corbyn

2012 Jeremy Corbyn/John Randall

2013 Julian Huppert

Parliamentary Beard of 2014 Short List

Jeremy Corbyn [Labour, Islington North]

Stephen Crabb {Conservative, Preseli)

Frank Dobson [Labour, Holborn]

Paul Flynn [Labour, Newport West]

George Galloway [Respect, Bradford West]

Dai Havard [Labour, Merthyr]

Julian Huppert [LibDem, Cambridge]

John Randall [Conservative, Uxbridge & South Ruislip]

John Thurso [LibDem, Caithness, Sutherland & Easter Ross]

John Trickett [Labour, Hemsworth]

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