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Campaigners call on CIA to apologise for attacks on Castro’s Beard

In Uncategorized on December 18, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release

18th December                                                                                                  07803 167266

castro

CAMPAIGNERS CALL ON CIA TO APOLOGISE FOR ATTACKS ON CASTRO’S BEARD

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that following moves to normalise relations between the US and Cuba the CIA must apologise for a series of mooted and occasionally genuine attacks on Fidel Castro between 1960 and 1965.

In particular suggestions that the CIA planned to make Casto lose his hair, including his beard, by sprinkling Thallium salts in his shoes and clothes have some credibility. The story that it was planned to singe Castro’s beard with the help of an exploding cigar is entertaining but less credible.

The campaigners say that Castro’s beard was a symbol of the fight against US imperial power in the 1960s and this explains the CIAs’ focus on it.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, its time for the CIA to come clean, admit that it had an obsession with Castro’s totemic beard and apologise for efforts to destroy it.

The Beard Liberation Front announces the result of the Beard of the Year poll on 29th December

Beard Liberation Front updates throughout the day @kmflett

Articles

Nick Frost wins best Organic Santa poll

In Uncategorized on December 18, 2014 by kmflett

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS
Organised by the Beard Liberation Front
press release 18th December
contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

frostwheen

NICK FROST WINS BEST ORGANIC SANTA POLL
The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic beards, has said that with a week to go until Christmas actor Nick Frost has won a well-supported on-line poll to determine the best Organic Santa of the year.

Frost beat last year’s winner author Francis Wheen by a beard length, or 10%, in the poll.

He is set to play Santa in two Christmas episodes of Dr Who and this may well have gained him support.

Campaigners are urging parents and children to vigorously tug the beards of Santas they encounter as a definitive test as to whether they are in the presence of a real Santa or not.

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, Nick Frost is an excellent role model for a genuine Santa with a genuine beard and his take on the Santa image is set become totemic over the holiday period.

HOW TO SPOT A GENUINE SANTA
Tug the beard of the Santa. If it comes away, then the Santa is FAKE
Tug the beard of the Santa again. If the Santa swears then they are genuine. If they simply repeat a ‘ho ho ho’ mantra they are FAKE
See if Santas beard will support a Beard Bauble. If it wont the Santa is a FAKE

The Campaign For Real Santas says that genuine Santas must have just the right mix of bonhomie and grumpiness and a real organic beard.

Articles

Employment figures underline economic recovery is just a rumour in Tottenham

In Uncategorized on December 17, 2014 by kmflett

Haringey Trades Council
Press Release 17th December
c/o Union Office, St Ann ’s Hospital, St Ann ’s Rd, N15
Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266; keith.flett@btinternet.com

Employment figures underline economic recovery is just a rumour in Tottenham

Haringey TUC, the local wing of the TUC in North London, has said that the November employment figures published today- the last to appear in 2014- underline that official talk of economic recovery in Tottenham remains just a rumour.

Those claiming Jobseekers Allowance have fallen further to 3,786 but art 4.1% the total remains the highest in London and twice the London average.

The trade unionists say that the figures underline what a challenging year 2015 will be for employment in the area. With Haringey Council planning to cut significant numbers of jobs as Government austerity policies continue to make their impact, there is little obvious sign that significant job opportunities are being created in the private sector.

Haringey TUC Secretary Keith Flett there is a something of a growth in SME activity in Tottenham which is welcome but employment here is in the order of one or two not the many hundreds that are required. The reality is that as with so much else this Government does there is an economic recovery for them and an economic recovery for us, and ours doesn’t add up to much.

Articles

A guide to the beard friendly mince pie

In Uncategorized on December 17, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press Release 17th December. Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

A guide to the beard friendly mince pie

mince pie

December is the season for mince pie eating, but it can provide particular challenges for the hirsute.

The Beard Liberation Front has identified two key issues:

Icing sugar in the beard: this can have the effect of turning it prematurely white and can be difficult to remove if sticky and can lead to white beard syndrome and a people shouting ‘Oi Santa’ at you.

Pastry flakes and crumbs in the beard: If this occurs it is guaranteed that any pogonophobe within 100 metres will shout ‘oi mate you’ve got the remains of your breakfast/lunch etc in your beard’.

There are two ways of avoiding the issues above:

1] Wear a special mince pie beard snood

2] Focus on eating only beard friendly mince pies.

The Beard Liberation Front is in the process of researching the beard friendly mince pie. Interim results are below:

Supermarket mince pies: Tesco,Sainsburys, M&S etc. Check for the amount of frosting/icing sugar etc. Most have lids with frosting. Sainsburys do have a line of topless mince pies more suitable for the hirsute.

Heston: these are available in Waitrose. They do not have a top or flaky pastry. The icing sugar comes in a separate packet and so is easily avoided.

Konditor & Cook. The pastry here is more like a savoury pie, and there is no icing sugar so the two key problems for the hirsute in eating them are avoided.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, there are some reasonably beard friendly mince pies out there and we are still sampling more in the run up to Xmas. However for the unwary eater icing sugar and pastry flakes in the beard can be a serious concern

 

 

Articles

Vote for Organic Santa 2014 closes at midnight 16th December

In Uncategorized on December 16, 2014 by kmflett

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS

Organised by the Beard Liberation Front

press release 16th December

contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

 

VOTE FOR ORGANIC SANTA 2014 CLOSES MIDNIGHT 16TH DECEMBER

The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic beards, has said that the vote to determine who will receive the accolade of being appointed the real Organic Santa 2014 closes at Midnight.

Splitting hairs for the honour are actor Nick Frost and author Francis Wheen

Campaigners are urging parents and children to vigorously tug the beards of Santas they encounter as a definitive test as to whether they are in the presence of a real Santa or not.

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, It is a close contest and voting on the final day could see one or other beard nudge in front.

Vote for the Real Santa 2014

HOW TO SPOT A GENUINE SANTA

Tug the beard of the Santa. If it comes away, then the Santa is FAKE

Tug the beard of the Santa again. If the Santa swears then they are genuine. If they simply repeat a ‘ho ho ho’ mantra they are FAKE

See if Santas beard will support a Beard Bauble. If it wont the Santa is a FAKE

The Campaign For Real Santas says that genuine Santas must have just the right mix of bonhomie and grumpiness and a real organic beard.

Notes

The Organic Santa of 2014 will be named on December 18th

The Campaign for Real Santas is organised by the Beard Liberation Front

Articles

7 days left to vote for Beard of the Year 2014: Hipster or Organic?

In Uncategorized on December 15, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release 15th December

Contact keith Flett 07803 167266

7 Days left to vote for Beard of the Year 2014: Hipster or Organic?

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that there are just 7 days left to vote for the Beard of the Year 2014.

The on line poll ends at midnight on Monday 22nd December and the winner will be announced on 29th December

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, competition for the Award is bristling and we usually expect a late sprouting of votes. The issue is whether they will be for a hipster beard or an organic beard…..

The criteria for the Shortlist are as follows:

A beard worn consistently throughout the year

A beard that at least meets the standards of the Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western style, that is post-stubble

A beard that has been in the public eye during the year and which has had a positive impact

Voting for Beard of the Year ends on December 22nd and the winner is announced on December 29th

Shortlist (after public poll)

Moeen Ali, cricketer

Philip Ardagh, author

Billy Bragg, musician

Peter Coles, cosmologist

Stephen Crabb, Government Minister

Robert Plant, musician

Fr Alan Williams, Bishop of Brentwood

Philip Wilton, cheesemaker

Conchita Wurst, singer

Robert Wyatt, musician

 

 

 

Articles

The Ambridge Socialist: Aldridge resigns as ruling class split deepens

In Uncategorized on December 14, 2014 by kmflett

The Ambridge Socialist

14th December CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266

The real Borsetshire Echo: 60 years of class struggle in Ambridge

Aldridge resigns as ruling class split deepens

Brian Aldridge has this week resigned from the Board of Borsetshire Land complaining that he was not told of Damara Capital’s £7.5m bid for Brookfield, which he himself had an interest in buying (but not for that much).

He has also done a deal with Debbie that direct farming operations at Home Farm should cease and be contracted out. This would mean sacking some permanent farm workers. Adam has reacted badly to this and has told Brian that an invitation to Borsetshire Land supremo Justin Elliott’s Xmas Party can ‘get stuffed’.

There is also continuing angst in the Village about David and Roooth Archer, along with Elizabeth, Kenton and Shula Archer being prepared to sell their souls to Damara Capital. David has complained in The Bull that no one likes him anymore but has claimed he must put his own self interest above that of the Ambridge community.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, Capitalism is in crisis in Ambridge. Excellent news.

The Moral Economy of Ambridge

Doris Archer is  Prude mystery deepens

Ambridge Socialist contributor Peter Budge reports that not only did the graffiti ‘Doris Archer is a Prude’ appear on Westminster Bridge in 1967 but also in Crouch End, well known location of second homes for Archers’ characters. Who was responsible?

In Other News

Lynda’s Christmas Not a Pantomime continues to be reported by the BBC. Caroline has walked out this week. The BBC will be reporting further.

A Month in Ambridge

Why the World Must Go On The Same

From The Guardian 11th December. Nancy Banks Smith

Anyone fancy a lorry-load of potatoes? Think of it as a lovely present for the man who has everything. Or the poor bastard who has nothing. Rob, who has been getting his tentacles under the table at Bridge Farm, ordered the spuds but Tom, back from Canada, cancelled them. That is drama Ambridge-style.

 

Such a relief because these days Ambridge has reminded me increasingly of Dallas. You remember dear, dead, addictive, daft old Dallas? The absolutely appalling lack of principle showed by absolutely everybody. The family’s disconcerting habit of reappearing (after sharp words backstage) with entirely different heads. As Helen Archer said recently, on catching sight of her brother Tom with a brand new head: “I don’t believe it! I thought I was seeing things!” “No. It’s definitely me,” said Tom, perhaps a titch defensively. And then there’s the big scene in hospital with one of the stars stretched out insensible, while each member of the family visits in sequence to express regret for former slights.

This month, it is Tony Archer’s turn to fight for life in a forest of exclamation marks. “The bull smashed him straight into the wall!” “I’m the air ambulance doctor! Can I have a grey cannula?” “Tony! Forgive me!” “It’s touch and go!” “Take him to the abattoir!” (No sorry that was the bull who, in my opinion, got pretty rough justice.)

When Tony opens his eyes, he won’t recognise the old place. David Archer has sold the family farm for seven million quid to a ruthless entrepreneur and is high-tailing it to Hadley Haugh (which sounds like something Corporal Jones used to say to German parachutists). The slavering speed with which his siblings – Shula, Kenton and Elizabeth – fell on their share of the spoils would make a pig whistle. “You think you know people!” as their aunt, who was priced out of the auction, said sadly. That is the problem. We do know them. We’ve known them for years. And they are just not like that at all. To change a head is one thing; to change a whole personality suggests brain damage.

Look, I will close my eyes till Christmas and, when I open them, I expect you to have put EVERYTHING BACK THE WAY IT WAS. And we will say no more about it.

 

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