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Ambridge Socialist Poll: Should the Archers sell out to Damara Capital

In Uncategorized on November 23, 2014 by kmflett

The Ambridge Socialist Poll

23rd November

Ruth and David Archer are considering a bid from venture capitalists Damara Capital for Brookfield Farm for £7.5m. Should they accept?

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The Ambridge Socialist: Oliver Sterling must face prosecution for murder

In Uncategorized on November 23, 2014 by kmflett

The Ambridge Socialist
23rd November CONTACT KEITH FLETT 07803 167266
The real Borsetshire Echo: 60 years of class struggle in Ambridge

Oliver Sterling must face prosecution for murder
The Ambridge Socialist has reported the Borsetshire Hunt and Oliver Sterling to the police after the Hunt chased and killed a fox on Thursday. No one is fooled by the claim that it was accidental. It was a conspiracy between the BBC, Rob Titchener and Sterling to mark and flout the ban on fox hunting on its 10th Anniversary. Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, Oliver Sterling has broken the law and must face the consequences. He is not exempt because he is not working class.

Titchener: I wont take ‘no’ for an answer
Rob’s statement to Helen on Tuesday related to a quite mundane matter but underlined his perspective on life. He is in control. Others must obey his command… Except of course for his former partner Jess who has just had his baby, young Ethelred.

Bufton Tufton UKIP update
Following the victory of UKIP in the Rochester & Strood election on 20th November it was confidently expected that Bufton Tufton Tory MP for Borsetshire South would announce that he was defecting to UKIP, or possibly the Monster Raving Loony Party (whichever one he could remember). However so far Bufton has made no move. Ambridge Socialist reporters have indicated that the reason for this is believed to be that he has nodded off and may say something when he wakes up.

The BBC, normally so keen to report on anything related to UKIP has so far stayed silent. It is thought possible that Nick Robinson does not listen to the Archers.

In Other News
Lynda Snell has said that she would not available to fight Route B were it not for Mrs Pankhurst. Mrs Pankhurst was a Tory. Perhaps she meant Sylvia.
‘not just scones and canapes for posh people’ Fallon on her latest Xmas party gig

The Organised Working Class of Borsetshire
The Ambridge Socialist is compiling a directory of the organised labour movement in Borsetshire. If you can help get in touch at the usual addresses

Articles

Labour Leadership Crisis: Poll-Hipster Beard or St George’s Sarong for Miliband

In Uncategorized on November 23, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

press release 23rd November

Contact keith flett 07803 167266


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LABOUR LEADERSHIP ‘CRISIS’ –HIPSTER BEARD OR ST GEORGE’S SARONG FOR MILIBAND
The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that with sections of the right-wing media and disgruntled survivors from the Blair era talking up a Labour leadership crisis it is time for Ed Miliband to act.

The campaigners say that the Labour leader can add both style and gravitas to his political image and public impact by growing a hipster style beard.

It was reported that Miliband grew a beard while on holiday in France this August but photographic evidence was not forthcoming.

However given recent events a St George’s flag Sarong has been suggested as a fashionista alternative for the Labour leader.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, Of course Ed Miliband could go for a traditional Keir Hardie style beard or, as its Movember, a Clem Attlee moustache. However a hipster beard would make a huge impact distinguishing Ed Miliband in a distinctive fashion from clean shaven political leaders. Whether a Sarong would have the same impact we’re not sure.
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The Beard Liberation Front will announce the winner of the Beard of the Year 2014 on December 28th

Beard Liberation Front updates throughout the day @kmflett

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Mark Reckless, UKIP & the Chartists: a challenge

In Uncategorized on November 22, 2014 by kmflett

Mark Reckless, UKIP and the Chartists

As the Guardian reports, at his victory speech in Rochester in the early hours of Friday morning former Tory MP turned UKIP MP Mark Reckless claimed that the right-wing party stood in the tradition of the Chartists and the Suffragettes.

As the Financial Times notes (22.11) a key element of the way UKIP presents itself, first the smile, then the lie, is taken from Berlusconi. It certainly applies here. Of course UKIP does not stand in the tradition of the Chartists, although it might just be possible to find a handful of Chartists- it was after all a broad mass movement- who were more inclined to the Tory perspective whose ideas could be slotted into the UKIP world view.

That said the idea of the Freeborn Englishman was in opposition to not supportive of the kind of Old Corruption- stock broking and the City- that Farage represents.

However Reckless’s claim does give UKIP a chance to prove that he can do in practice what he claims to support.

One of the most famous Chartists- William Cuffay (1788-1870) was born in Chatham.

Cuffay was the son of a former slave who had travelled to Medway as a cook on a British Navy ship. He met a local woman and Cuffay was the result. He learnt his trade as a tailor and moved to London where he became a prominent trade unionist.

He went on to become the organiser of London Chartism and was probably, for example, the man behind the Chartists most well known demonstration, on Kennington Common on Monday 10th April 1848.

Certainly when there was an attempt at armed revolt in Seven Dials in central London in August 1848 Cuffay was one of those arrested although evidence of his direct involvement is lacking.

He was transported to Tasmania where he continued to be active as a trade unionist until his death in 1870.

Now is surely the time, then, for Mark Reckless to organise the erection of a statue to William Cuffay, black Chartist, trade unionist and revolutionary, in his Constituency. It would be a way of marking UKIP’s victory on Thursday, at least according to the words of Mr Reckless himself.

More on William Cuffay

http://www.morningstaronline.co.uk/t9bfd65-william-cuffay

 

 

 

Articles

Hirsute Campaigners query rise in snood culture

In Uncategorized on November 21, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

press release 21st November

Contact keith flett 07803 167266
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HIRSUTE CAMPAIGNERS QUERY RISE IN SNOOD CULTURE
The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that a 32% rise in the volume of sales of snoods (beard guards) is likely to be fuelled by long running pogonophobia- fear of beards- in the retail trade.

The report suggests that more snoods are being sold due to the rise of beard wearing and hence the need to cover the beard in areas such as food production and preparation.

In fact the campaigners say that unless the beard is likely to come into direct contact with food or drink, or machinery, there is no need for a snood.

While there is the possibility that a beard hair may become detached and contaminate food or drink , in reality bits of dry skin, hairs etc fall off the entire body on a regular basis yet no one suggests that people must wear a suit of armour to protect against this.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, we understand the demand for the hipster snood, which is a knitted organic item designed to protect the beard and keep it warm, but the huge rise in the industrial use of snoods is unwarranted.

Link to news story

http://www.deadlinenews.co.uk/2014/11/21/sales-of-beard-nets-soar-thanks-to-hipster-culture/
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The Beard Liberation Front will announce the winner of the Beard of the Year 2014 on December 29th

Beard Liberation Front updates throughout the day @kmflett

Articles

Campaign for Real Santas raises concerns over pogonophobic white van men

In Uncategorized on November 21, 2014 by kmflett

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS
Organised by the Beard Liberation Front
press release 21st November
contact Keith Flett 07803 167266
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CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS RAISES CONCERN OVER POGONOPHOBIC WHITE VAN MEN
The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic beards, has said that with just over a month to go until Christmas concerns are rising about the level of pogonophobic comments by drivers of white vans to people with organic beards who they believe to be ‘Santa’.

Every year the Campaign receives reports that people with beards have been shouted at from passing white vans, usually along the general lines of ‘Oi Santa….’.

The campaigners say that while it can be seen as a bit of fun sometimes the sheer number of robust comments can become tiresome or worse.

The Campaigners say that with unemployment and under employment amongst mature men over 50, there is absolutely no reason for anyone to use an assistant Santa who does not have a real beard.

At the same time the Campaign is also keen to encourage more female Santas with organic knitted beards.

Campaigners are urging parents and children to vigorously tug the beards of Santas they encounter as a definitive test as to whether they are in the presence of a real Santa or not.

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, of course it is only a minority of white van drivers that do this but the weeks running up to Xmas are open season for Santa abuse for those beards. The irony is that the white van drivers are often so grumpy and disgruntled that they would make excellent Santas themselves could they but overcome their pogonophobia

HOW TO SPOT A GENUINE SANTA
Tug the beard of the Santa. If it comes away, then the Santa is FAKE
Tug the beard of the Santa again. If the Santa swears then they are genuine. If they simply repeat a ‘ho ho ho’ mantra they are FAKE
The Campaign For Real Santas says that genuine Santas must have just the right mix of bonhomie and grumpiness and a real organic beard.

Notes
The Organic Santa of 2014 will be named on December 18th
The Campaign for Real Santas is organised by the Beard Liberation Front

Articles

Russell Brand & Lenny Henry may not make cut for Beard of the Year poll

In Uncategorized on November 20, 2014 by kmflett

Beard Liberation Front

Press release 20th November

Contact keith Flett 07803 167266

Russell Brand & Lenny Henry set to miss out on Beard of Year shortlist

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that there has been heavy polling to determine who will make the Beard of the Year shortlist which will be announced on Friday 28th November.

The poll closes at 6pm on Thursday 27th November but at the moment some well -known beard wearers including Russell Brand and Lenny Henry look set to drop out when the list reduces from 18 to 10 for the vote on Beard of the Year

By contrast author Philip Ardagh, Father Alan Williams, the Bishop of Brentwood, Moeen Ali the cricketer, Peter Coles, the cosmologist and cheesemaker Philip Wilton looked well placed.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, Competition for Beard of the Year is bristling like never before but it is surprising that well known beard wearers such as Russell Brand and Lenny Henry don’t look as if they will make next Thursday’s cut

The criteria for the Beard of the Year Longlist are as follows:

 

A beard worn consistently throughout the year

A beard that at least meets the standards of the Clint Eastwood Spaghetti Western style, that is post-stubble

A beard that has been in the public eye during the year and which has had a positive impact

 

Longlist

Moeen Ali, cricketer

Philip Ardagh, poet

Billy Bragg, musician

Russell Brand, activist

Leonard Cohen, musician

Peter Coles, cosmologist

Stephen Crabb, Government Minister

Nick Frost, actor

Dave Gilmour, musician

Lenny Henry, actor

Nick Hyam, broadcaster

James O’Brien, broadcaster

Logan Plant, brewer

Robert Plant, musician

Fr Alan Williams, Bishop of Brentwood

Philip Wilton, cheesemaker

Conchita Wurst, singer

Robert Wyatt, musician

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